Hi everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't updated you on my trip until now, but since we're still pretty early into it, I thought it shouldn't be too bad.

So, today is the morning of my third day in Singapore.  I arrived in the early morning of the first day, so I've only really been here for two nights.  I would say that the jet lag is bad since I did just go through a 12-hour time change, but in all honesty, I think I did pretty well.  It's probably because I couldn't sleep any longer than an hour at a time on the plane on top of the fact that I absolutely refused to sleep until the later part of the day after we landed.  I ended up taking a few hours' nap between 4:00-7:00PM which definitely went against my attempt at sullying the jet lag, but surprisingly, despite waking up at around 3:00AM the next morning, it didn't affect me much.  I definitely blame Boyfriend for the nap though.  When he's sleepy, he gives off an entirely sleepy vibe that spreads to me if I'm close by and I end up dozing off too.  Aside from that, I'm gradually waking up at more normal hours (around 5:00-5:30AM) and sleeping at more normal hours (around 10:00PM).

In terms of culture shock, I can't say that's too bad either.  There are some little things that are done differently around here that I'm not used to like hanging all of the laundry up to dry instead of select items and boiling the tap water before drinking it instead of drinking it straight from the tap, but it's not too bad.  I think my biggest shock, if any, is how much I'm hearing Mandarin being used around here by comparison to home.  I hear some at home, but more often than not, I hear Cantonese and English.  When I'm walking around with Boyfriend, I do feel a touch out of my element, but it was definitely to be expected.  I think the one thing that surprises, and entertains, me the most is the fact that the locals here stay out of the sunlight as much as humanly possibly and only walk through it when necessary.  On my first day here, Boyfriend had already reverted back to his habits from when he lived here and walked only in the shade while I walked in the sun.  It takes a little getting used to, but the sun actually feels quite nice on my skin despite how hot it is out.  So far, we've had weather averaging at around 30 degrees Celsius, and boy, did we ever feel that yesterday.  I think we felt it more yesterday because it might have been more humid while the first day wasn't quite as much, though definitely more humid and hot than I'm used to.

Today, a friend I met through Boyfriend is going to come by to help us pack and hang out a bit.  They haven't seen each other in...I'm going to say at least 5 years as that was the last time Boyfriend was back here.  I think it'll be pretty interesting meeting him for the first time, in person anyway.  I've talked to him plenty of times online prior to now (since my first year of university, actually) and we have had some conversations over Skype video chats, so I have an idea of what to expect.  He does occasionally get a touch unpredictable, but that's cool.  Keeps things interesting.

I hope we get this packing done soon, it sure does make things feel much hotter around here.  Plus, I want to wander around more and see what Boyfriend grew up with.  I did come for an adventure after all.

Well, that's all I have for you today, but I'll be back again soon.

Until next time,
Dusk

Hi everyone,

So, in the time between finishing school and going to Singapore, I've been pretty busy with getting the house ready to be put on market and moving back in with my parents.  All of this is giving me a really weird feeling.  I'm excited and nervous to be going on this trip, but I'm also quite sad about leaving and selling the house.  I've lived in it for the past four years and, honestly, despite the spiders, I really love it.  It's a small little wartime house that's actually the perfect size for one to three people.  I can clean the entire house within two hours and it's walking distance from everything I need.  It is small and calm and has some interesting colours.  Whoever had the house before me really liked their earth tones and, for that house, it's great.  If anything, it added to the calmness, that is, if you're one of those who's okay with lime green.  I don't mind it, myself.

Even the neighbourhood is calm and the kids actually go outside and play together.  It's nice seeing them knock on each other's doors to come out to play.  It's not really something you see anymore because many tend to play online together and talk through Skype more now, I find.

Everything about where I was situated for school between my second and fifth years is great.  If you had asked me in my earlier years of university, I never would have admitted it, but secretly, I did enjoy having a place to call my own away from home.  To be on my own has been a great experience and I really wish it's one I could keep at right now, but I just don't have the resources to do that at the moment.  If I really could, though, I think I'd actually keep that little wartime house.  It's done me well.  My dad told me that if I were to stay in the little city, we would look for a better house, but I don't think I'd stand for that.  Not after everything this sweet little house and I have gone through.  Sure, it has its faults, but who and what doesn't?  Besides, it's very...Brantford.  It has a...stitched together sort of feeling.  When you walk through the house, you can see which parts were added on later or modified, maybe even repainted.  Not like the cookie cutter houses you get now that are all perfect and two dimensional.  No.  This house has character.  It has spice.  It has life.  It's seen things that I haven't, that my parents haven't, and who knows?  Maybe it's even seen things that my grandparents haven't.  I guess it's true what they say: If these walls could talk, they would have so much to say.  To hear the stories and experiences from that house and all it's been through would be amazing.

I'm really going to miss it.  The house.  The city.  The people.  Now, I just hope that whoever lives in the house next will love it the same way I did.

À bientôt, Brantford. Je t'aime.
Dusk

Hi everyone,

This will sound a touch more formal than many of my other posts because of the subject matter, but no worries, I will most likely be taking on this voice only when I am doing book reviews as it is what I am used to for these sort of topics.  Beyond that, you can definitely be expecting my more casual, often sarcastic, voice in my other posts.

So recently, I have finished this novel which is about a mother, named Elise, who just lost her son in a car accident and documents her life in the months that follow in a stream of consciousness writing style.  I thought that Edeet's choice in writing style is fantastic because it really lets the reader get into Elise's mind.  Strange and fragmented as it may be, the reader is still able to easily follow her train of thought which allows for a simple integration of her past before her son's death and before her marriage to Neil, her son's father.  This, of course, turns out to be vital information later on as is revealed in her therapy sessions and in the events that lead her to her road of recovery.

Although the reader does not spend a lifetime growing up with Elise and her son, Edeet does write him and Elise's perceptions of him well which gives the reader the sense of how heavy and poignant Elise's depression is set in.  It is easy for the reader to understand Elise's depression and her thought processes from first losing her son to the end of the book as the reader gains a fascinating insight as to how she works and the reader is able to track her slow journey towards recovery.  Edeet is sure to intersperse significant fond and painful memories of Elise's son within her narrative so as to not depict their relationship as unrealistically perfect allowing the reader to identify with her more whether the reader has been a parent or not.

Of course, at this point, you are probably wondering how these details tie in with the book's title. At the beginning of the novel, Elise and her son adopted a cat whom they later named Persephone, Pursie for short.  This is an adorable moment in the brief time the reader spends with the son while he is alive that I find incredibly touching since it is so telling of his genuine caring personality and love for animals.  It is because of her son's love of Pursie that Elise forces herself to stay alive to care for her instead of killing herself to join her son as she wants to do throughout the novel.  As a result of staying alive and having to function to keep Pursie fed and healthy, Elise is able to make her eventual journey towards recovery.

Now, although I've given plenty of praise to the book, you need to keep in mind that I am not a mother, and so, have not lost a child.  This means that as much as I can try to empathise with Elise, at this point in time, I can not do so fully.  As sad as I can be for her, I can never compare my feelings to hers, even if I had lost a child, because everyone handles grief and depression differently.  So, this novel did not have a huge impact on me emotionally.  It did remind me to be appreciative of who I have in my life because life is short and can end extremely unexpectedly, some times for no reason whatsoever.  This is nothing new to me as I am the type of person who does try to live in the moment as I do occasionally contemplate the mortality of myself and loved ones, morbid though this may sound.  Overall, this book did not have a huge impact on me and my perspectives, but I did find it to be a good, engaging read that kept me interested in what Elise would do next and generally pleased as I saw her progress on her way to begin her recovery.

Hi guys,

So, I've been in the house that I stay at for school for about a week now with Boyfriend and Dad to fix it up a bit before we sell it and can I just say that this has been an incredibly tough thing to deal with?  Sure, I'm done school, I'm what you call a "grown-up" now, but I'm not sure I want to be.  I love learning and as you might have seen in a previous post, I've learned to love this city.  Well, in addition to loving the city, I've also learned to love this house.  It has its fair share of spiders, which, let's just say involves using the vacuum cleaner loads, but aside from that it's been good.  It's held up for more years than I know (it's a great little wartime house with a few add-ons over the years) and surely for many years to come.  I just wish we didn't have to sell it.  Part of me wants to stay here and keep the house, but another part of me knows that to stay here means giving up on a few things that I really enjoy back at home like the company of my friends and food.  I know that I can make more friends and find a job here, but it's just not entirely the life for me.  I love the small town feel over the hustle and bustle of big city life, but it doesn't have the variety that I need.  Here, I have a good number of fast food options, but all are basically the same.  The same goes for the grocery stores, there are a good few with some variety in foods, but they're mostly catering towards the Caucasian demographic because that's mostly what we have here.  At home, there are more food choices in the grocery stores and the restaurants, which comes with it the different price ranges.  Here, I have discovered select places to go for decent food prices in terms of groceries, but only for a few things.  At home, because there are Chinese supermarkets as well as the more Caucasian geared grocery stores, I can get many of the same things for a much lower price.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've really learned to love this city and this house and I'm really sad to leave, but in the long run, it doesn't quite have everything I'm looking for.  I know I'm in a good spot and I truly am lucky to even be able to afford living away from home and gaining this sort of experience, but everything has to end and continue on eventually.  I want to visit again when I can to meet with my professors and catch up, but it just won't feel the same checking into a little motel instead of coming to this house.  We've been through a lot together and in its own way, it has been quite the friend to me.  I'm going to miss it here.  Knowing that although I will be able to drive by the house to see how it's holding up, but I can't come in is somewhat heart-wrenching.  And to even consider how much the next owners might change it, even just a little, makes me afraid to even drive by because like my profs, I want to remember it for how it is.  For what I believe its essence to be.  So, also like my profs, I have not taken a picture of it.  Not of the exterior anyway.  I took a few pictures of the interior prior to the renovations.  I might still consider taking some pictures of the exterior, but we'll see.  A picture just won't be able to capture this house for what it really is and that's what I want to remember.  My profs, on the other hand, I have taken no images of interior or exterior (haha, I'm so funny--not really).  I had considered briefly, but either in class or not, it didn't feel right.  It would either feel too posed or like it still wouldn't capture the people for who they are.  I would never be able to capture their liveliness, their charm, or the way they captivate the students with their excitement over the topics being discussed.

A lot of things and people have changed my perceptions of this city and this house tremendously in the years I've been here.  I feel like living here and meeting the people I have have really helped me to grow up and learn about who I am and how I've changed over the years.  I know that moving forward is my only option, but to continue living here in this somewhat relaxed environment would be nice.  The only problem is that I know that there is so much more exploring for me to do out there and within myself.

I know that this, and a few of my previous posts, have been a little blue because of my current state of mind, but what can I say?  That's just how things are right now.  I have entered my so-called "blue period" in which I will be discovering, even more so, who I am, where I should go, and what I want to be.  Things will go back to normal with the odd rant or sarcastic post here and there soon as well as some book reviews, so hang in there and thanks for reading.

Dusk

Hi guys,

So, those who have stuck around might have noticed some slight changes recently if you are looking for old posts.  In some cases, they may have been touched up slightly for grammatical or punctuation errors, and some have gone altogether.  What's going on is that I'm going to try to revamp this blog to make it a bit more organised so that you lot can navigate it easier.

Additionally, I think I'm going to try something new and start posting book reviews.  There will probably be two reviews for each book: one with spoilers and one without so that you can see what I thought of the book generally as well as more in depth.  These will definitely be marked under the labels so that you can find what you want without spoiling something for yourself.  They will most likely be labelled as "Book Review with Spoilers" and "Spoiler-free Book Reviews", but more on that later.

And not to worry about all this reworking, you will still get some personal updates from me outside of these little series that I'm doing so if something crazy happens, you won't miss a thing.

Hope everything's fine and dandy.

Until next time,
Dusk

Hi guys,

It's time for another personal post.

Late tonight, my sister, my mom, and myself were all talking and we happened upon our plans for the weekend which involve a get together with some family for a cousin's birthday.  In talking about it, my mom mentioned who was going and how my aunt (the middle sister out of three, my mom being the eldest) would not be there.  I told her that it was a shame because I do genuinely like this family although a good portion of the rest of the family doesn't seem to understand them or really try, I find.  When I voiced my disappointment and told her how I actually quite enjoy the company of my younger cousin in the family--we'll call her Stevie--she said, "you do?" in complete disbelief and my sister laughed at my mother's response.  The thing is, some in this family do not immediately come across as the most personable people to many, but once you talk to them and hang out with them enough, they are incredibly pleasant to be around and Stevie is no exception.

You see, there was a point in time where my mom and her siblings thought it would be a good idea to rent a large cottage for a week so that we could all spend some time together and actually start being more of a family.  One of my cousins and I were excited, but also apprehensive since it was a full week and there was definitely a chance that we could quickly grow sick of each other.  Luckily, that didn't happen.  At least, we weren't sick of everyone present (this is the side of the family that one uncle I don't like is on).  The idea of this week-long cottage trip was to force us all to act more like a family since we don't all live that close together and only see everyone once or twice a year.  I don't know if it worked well for anyone else, but I found that it brought me and this one sister's family closer together.  I talked more with my cousins--one of which I already talk to more often than all others--as well as my aunt and uncle.  This is where I learned that, although strict and somewhat temperamental, my aunt is pretty cool and my uncle is actually really interesting.  But what I found most important and most interesting was that Stevie opened up to me.  We started talking more and after a big downpour, she called me to come outside because she and her older brother--Ashton, we'll call him--were catching frogs and she wanted me to join them.  At this point in time, it has been years since I felt this close to them again.  We used to play a lot when we were younger, but as they years went on, she started to distance herself from my siblings and myself to the point where she sort of shut everyone out, it felt like.  Having her open up again was fantastic.  I loved it.  Unfortunately, the week just wasn't enough to get her to open up anymore, so after we parted at week's end, we didn't see each other again for at least half a year resulting in her distancing herself again.  On top of this, family get-togethers are, at best, biannual making it extremely difficult for us to make the same connection we had at the cottage.  Since then, I've been hoping that she'd open up again, but it doesn't look like it will happen.  After the second cottage trip two years ago, my family decided that we won't be doing it again.

Now, if my family had made the effort and tried to connect with my aunt and Stevie the way I had, I think they would change their minds about them, but I often feel like our mindsets are just too different and that they would never try.  As pessimistic as this sounds, I think, unfortunately, that this is probably the most realistic chain of events simply because of how my family seems to work.  Don't get me wrong, I do like a lot of my family on my mom's side, but their attitude towards certain people really turn me off because they never really give them a chance.  It really feels like the popular kids judging and excluding the less popular.  But don't think that I'm trying to hold myself up above them as some sort of saint for hanging out with whom I can only describe, in this scenario, as the underdog because that's not what I'm trying to do.  I have my faults too and I'll admit that I'll do this also with different kinds of people.  It's something we all do.  As human beings, we can not help it.  I'm just drawn to this particular cousin because I think the two of us might have more in common than we think.  It's just a matter of reconnecting and finding out what these things are.  I just wish the rest of my family would give her a chance because her separating herself from everyone else is not an act of believed superiority at all.  If anything, it's more like the family is excluding her because they don't understand her which really sucks.  It feels like she really needs a friend at these gatherings and I really want to be it because she is incredibly cool, but no one else sees that because she's different from them.  In many ways, I guess I am too and that's why I like her.  I just wish it were easier to be inclusive of everyone at the same time, but everyone at these gatherings are just so different that it's impossible.  One literally must go from group to group, just like in school.  The only problem is that moving through the crowd at these gatherings is much less fluid than it was for me in school.  I can only hope that I learn to do it at the gatherings soon because I really want to be there for Stevie.

I guess we'll just have to see how this weekend goes.  I really wish they could make it.  Next time, I suppose.

That's all I have for tonight.  I just needed a good rant.

Hope you all are doing well.

I'll see you in my next post,
Dusk

Brantford, I'll be honest, I was pretty hard on you in the past. I chose you because you were a small city where I would feel comfortable. But, for some reason, I quickly began to feel like you were a grimy and unappealing place to be. I just wanted to say that I was wrong.

Truly, I've learned to appreciate you again for how small you are and how, even though you do still have some less appealing aspects to you, I've learned to acknowledge that every place and every person does. If anything, it adds to your charm. It gives you another dimension. You aren't merely a happy little borough, nor are you a gross, run down city with lost potential. You have life in you. Maybe not the life people expected, but life and that's important. In a way, I guess that's how we're sort of similar. Some times underestimated, some times given expectations that we can't meet, but we have a life of our own. A life with potential that only we can see and realise because that's who and what we are.

You're a strong little city and even though you didn't become the capital like once expected, you are still a great place to be. I've seen you in good weather and in bad and you hold up well. Similarly, while being here, I've experienced my own good and bad weather and I've learned to deal with it too. I want to thank you for the experiences you've given me. I'm really going to miss you and I hope I can visit relatively often. I've made friends and memories here that I'll never forget. I just wish I could come back to the same house; the sweet, dinky little house I never thought I'd be able to call "home", but have also learned to love.

I hope things go well in my absence and I hope that we can meet again soon.

You will be missed.