My Little House in My Little Town

Hi guys,

So, I've been in the house that I stay at for school for about a week now with Boyfriend and Dad to fix it up a bit before we sell it and can I just say that this has been an incredibly tough thing to deal with?  Sure, I'm done school, I'm what you call a "grown-up" now, but I'm not sure I want to be.  I love learning and as you might have seen in a previous post, I've learned to love this city.  Well, in addition to loving the city, I've also learned to love this house.  It has its fair share of spiders, which, let's just say involves using the vacuum cleaner loads, but aside from that it's been good.  It's held up for more years than I know (it's a great little wartime house with a few add-ons over the years) and surely for many years to come.  I just wish we didn't have to sell it.  Part of me wants to stay here and keep the house, but another part of me knows that to stay here means giving up on a few things that I really enjoy back at home like the company of my friends and food.  I know that I can make more friends and find a job here, but it's just not entirely the life for me.  I love the small town feel over the hustle and bustle of big city life, but it doesn't have the variety that I need.  Here, I have a good number of fast food options, but all are basically the same.  The same goes for the grocery stores, there are a good few with some variety in foods, but they're mostly catering towards the Caucasian demographic because that's mostly what we have here.  At home, there are more food choices in the grocery stores and the restaurants, which comes with it the different price ranges.  Here, I have discovered select places to go for decent food prices in terms of groceries, but only for a few things.  At home, because there are Chinese supermarkets as well as the more Caucasian geared grocery stores, I can get many of the same things for a much lower price.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've really learned to love this city and this house and I'm really sad to leave, but in the long run, it doesn't quite have everything I'm looking for.  I know I'm in a good spot and I truly am lucky to even be able to afford living away from home and gaining this sort of experience, but everything has to end and continue on eventually.  I want to visit again when I can to meet with my professors and catch up, but it just won't feel the same checking into a little motel instead of coming to this house.  We've been through a lot together and in its own way, it has been quite the friend to me.  I'm going to miss it here.  Knowing that although I will be able to drive by the house to see how it's holding up, but I can't come in is somewhat heart-wrenching.  And to even consider how much the next owners might change it, even just a little, makes me afraid to even drive by because like my profs, I want to remember it for how it is.  For what I believe its essence to be.  So, also like my profs, I have not taken a picture of it.  Not of the exterior anyway.  I took a few pictures of the interior prior to the renovations.  I might still consider taking some pictures of the exterior, but we'll see.  A picture just won't be able to capture this house for what it really is and that's what I want to remember.  My profs, on the other hand, I have taken no images of interior or exterior (haha, I'm so funny--not really).  I had considered briefly, but either in class or not, it didn't feel right.  It would either feel too posed or like it still wouldn't capture the people for who they are.  I would never be able to capture their liveliness, their charm, or the way they captivate the students with their excitement over the topics being discussed.

A lot of things and people have changed my perceptions of this city and this house tremendously in the years I've been here.  I feel like living here and meeting the people I have have really helped me to grow up and learn about who I am and how I've changed over the years.  I know that moving forward is my only option, but to continue living here in this somewhat relaxed environment would be nice.  The only problem is that I know that there is so much more exploring for me to do out there and within myself.

I know that this, and a few of my previous posts, have been a little blue because of my current state of mind, but what can I say?  That's just how things are right now.  I have entered my so-called "blue period" in which I will be discovering, even more so, who I am, where I should go, and what I want to be.  Things will go back to normal with the odd rant or sarcastic post here and there soon as well as some book reviews, so hang in there and thanks for reading.

Dusk