Hey guys!

So, instead of a summary of today, I'm going to give you a sum up of last night since today just started.

Boyfriend and I went out to Clarke Quay which is, apparently, the nice and touristy spot in Singapore.  The prices sure reflected that, but in my opinion, it was worth it.  We walked around for a bit looking for a place to eat and eventually stopped at a bar/café type place called The Connoisseurs Concerto.  It's small, a little dark, but beautiful.  The some of the light fixtures were made to look like vinyl albums and there were paintings and prints of different musical artists up on the walls.  The service was so nice and patient.  And the food was delicious.  I ordered bourbon beef with a side of, what was supposed to be a stuffed portobello mushroom cap, but I guess our server misheard me because I ended up with an omelette with potatoes and tomatoes in it.  Still very tasty.  I have no complaints.  The beef was so soft and the flavour was incredibly rich, yet not overwhelming in the least.  It was wonderful.  Expensive, but wonderful. The atmosphere, the service, the food, all beautiful to the point where I could legitimately justify the prices.  If we had a place like this at home, I would be there every once in a while for a treat.

Now, something I didn't tell you all was that I'm not a night life person in the least.  I don't do bars, alcohol, clubs, dancing.  None of that.  But, I've gotten curious lately.  I don't know what things are really like inside bars at all.  My only experience of bars, really, is what I've seen on television.  Knowing this, Boyfriend set out to bring me to one last night.  Completely unexpected for me since, with all the moving, we've never gone out for dinner without Boyfriend's mom.  Before you take it the wrong way, that isn't a complaint at all.  It's just been somewhat expected because we've all been in these two small spaces moving things around, packing, and unpacking for the past two weeks.  When he told me what we were doing, I must say, I was pretty excited.  It was something I haven't even seen at home before.

On top of it already being out of character for me to be a part of night life and visiting a bar, I also got an alcoholic beverage.  For those who know me, this is not something one would ever expect of me.  I didn't get a wine or a beer, though.  I got a Bailey's toffee flavoured coffee.  At this point, it's been years since I've tasted alcohol not being cooked into food.  As Boyfriend put it when he tasted it,
"It tastes like alcohol."  It did, but after stirring the whipped cream into the drink and licking the spoon, you taste more of the coffee mixed in on the spoon.  The flavours, I found, complimented each other pretty well.  I'm still not much of a fan of alcohol at all, but I do have a growing fondness for coffee and I have been curious to taste what alcohol and coffee taste like together.  It was interesting to say the least.  I didn't hate it, but the final third of the drink was definitely tasting more and more of Bailey's; a taste that was getting a touch more difficult for me to handle as we finished the drink.  Again, I didn't hate it, but I did spend some time trying to analyse the taste in my mouth as it was different from the wines and beers my family has let me sip.  It's not a taste I would go out of the way for, to paraphrase Boyfriend, but it was a fascinating experience.  Now, if I go back, the next one will probably be the Irish Cream coffee.  That was always one I've been curious about.

Boyfriend, being the thoughtful guy he is, changed his order from an Oreo coffee drink to a plain coffee in case I didn't like the one I ordered.  It was so sweet of him.  Turns out, it was not a change he would ever regret.  His coffee came and when we tasted it, it was like no other.  It was literally the best plain coffee I have ever tasted.  And truly, I can say, never have I ever had plain black coffee until last night.  The closest would be a cappuccino with no added sugar.  Last night,  even I felt needed nothing to be added.  It was wonderful and somewhat sweet.  Not bitter at all like most hot brewed coffees.  I have to say, it's experiences like this that make me want to learn to make good coffees and espresso-based beverages more.

After dinner, we walked around the area which was wonderfully lit and music was playing in different sections of the space.  Although not our usual choice in music, we had a great time walking and listening to it.  It turns out, so did this one older man who was dancing to it with a younger lady.  Boyfriend and I were thoroughly enjoying seeing this man have fun.  It just goes to show that fun doesn't die with age.

After a while, we both decided that we wanted ice cream.  Me, being the type that I am, decided to go local and had a durian flavoured ice cream sandwich.  It was basically a block of durian ice cream that I got a slice of and wrapped in a bakery style slice of bread.  For those of you who don't know, Asian bakery breads are generally sweeter than something like Dempsters, so as strange as this dessert might sound, it was quite nice.  Boyfriend, being Boyfriend, doesn't like the smell of durian at all, but somehow ended up becoming curious enough to actually try my ice cream.  If I can explain his willingness to try it at all, then, his curiosity probably got the better of him like mine did with bars and night life.  He still doesn't like durian, but he can't say he hasn't tried it now.  I can't say I haven't tried durian before, but durian flavoured ice cream, I never touched until last night and it was exactly as you'd expect.  Since it's cold, though, the flavour isn't as strong.  Believe me when I say that it's much stronger than it tastes.  As it warms up a bit in your hands, it does begin to taste stronger and those around you might not appreciate your breath too much, but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world.

When we finally got home, we spent a couple of hours watching Pulp Fiction.  But what came afterwards, neither of us were prepared for.  I was going into the bathroom to fill the kettle because we still do not have faucets installed, and I found a cockroach on the floor just chilling out.  I have seen two here prior to this, but neither have I really had to deal with.  This one was IN OUR LIVING SPACE.  What was I supposed to do?!  I called Boyfriend over and that's when chaos ensued.  We spent much longer than either of us care to admit trying to kill it.  When we finally did and got it out of the space, sleep was difficult to come by.  I would go into detail on how we got rid of the cockroach, but neither of us are particularly willing to let that information out at the moment.  Something you need to know is that where I come from, bugs, including cockroaches, are not that big because of winter--which I now appreciate even more--so, this experience was truly harrowing for me.  After at least a half hour of bringing ourselves back down from this adrenaline rush, we finally decided to sleep.  And so ended a good and crazy night of firsts.

Hi everyone,

I would say that I'm sorry for having not posted in the past while, but it would undermine what I have to say next.  So, I will not.

To start off your existential crisis, you must understand that you--yes, you--are but a mere speck in this vast universe that we live in.  Smaller than a speck in fact.  You and I, and everyone, every being you know and love is more insignificant to the universe than an amoeba is to us humans.  We can do all that we want to leave a big impact on the world and our universe, but we will ultimately be forgotten no matter what we do, what we write, what we discover.  It is just how the world goes.  We do not matter to the universe and there is nothing you can do about that.

In addition to this heaviness you now feel, you also have to realise that you are completely alone in this suffering.  You are the only one who will understand what you're feeling, right now, and who will understand this existential crisis the way that you do.  You are also the only one who will understand any other sort of suffering that you experience.  If you lost a loved one, went through a bad break up, or are suffering from depression, you are dealing with it, feeling it, and understanding it completely differently from anyone else who has lost a loved one, gone through a bad break up, or what have you.  Others can always try to sympathize with you and you with them, but no matter how many "I know how you feel" statements are made, you can never truly understand how that person feels and they can never truly understand how you feel.  We are all ultimately alone.  This also means that we all die alone even when surrounded by family and friends.  Why?  Because they don't know what you're experiencing.  There is no way for them to actually experience that with you.  So, yes.  You are--we all are--in the end, alone.

Sound depressing and slightly worrisome?  Good.  That's how these things are.

I'll check in on you guys in a while and don't go doing anything drastic because of the way these words made you feel.  There is an importance to this.

Until next time,
Dusk

Hey guys,

I know it seems morbid, but I'm just...confused, for lack of a better term.  Maybe a little curious as well.

You see, I don't understand when people say things like, "She has a sick fascination with death."  I don't understand why this fascination that some people have is "sick," or "disturbing."  Some people are just curious about what comes after.  If anything, I think it's more natural to think of things like death.

Why?  Well, partially because it's always there.  There's no escaping death.  It's a natural part of life.  The only reason I can think people might describe it as "sick" is because it's not something everybody thinks about.  It's not..."normal."  The thing with people is, we don't like to acknowledge death because we're afraid of it.  We don't actually know what happens once we die.  So, we try to prolong our existence as long as we can and just not think about death.

It's sad to say, but that's probably the reason why we are struck dumb by death when it happens to someone we know.  Why it scares us.  Simply because we don't know what happens.

People like to learn about everything.  They like to figure out how things work, how things go.  But, it actually takes the beauty out of a lot of things.  It takes the beauty out of a sunset, or the blooming of a flower, or even just seeing a creature go about doing its thing.

Of course, this also includes death.  There is a strange beauty in it.  Whether people acknowledge it or not, there is a beauty in it despite how frightening it may be.  The idea of leaving this world to find peace.  Religious or not, there is a sort of morbid peace in the whole idea.  The thought of no more pain, no more suffering.  Just empty bliss.

What I think is, although we're afraid of death, if we acknowledge it, it might actually be a bit less frightening.  It won't get rid of the fear completely.  But, I think it's sort of like a roller coaster.  That first massive drop is coming, and you know it.  You're scared, but that's only the fear of anticipation.  You know it's coming and you're scared anyway.  It'll come and pass.  Everything will come and pass.  That's how life works.

Oh, well.  Let me know what you guys think.

Until next time,
Dusk

Hi Everyone!

As you probably know from the title (that is, if you read it) I'm DONE with the field school!  It was officially out this past Friday, but we still had a paper that is due today.  Finished it this morning at about 1:30 and woke up around 9:00 this morning.  I am SO tired.

BUT!  That's okay, because I am DONE!  I can sleep when I need to now and wake up whenever. 

I'm amazingly happy to be done, but I am going to miss all the people from the field school a lot.  It's sort of like U101, I guess.  I miss the people I was with, but I'm sure I'll see them again sometime, somehow.

Now, I have this entire week to worry about getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday...I have books from the library ready to go.  Sadly, we're low on bandwidth at home right now.  So it looks like I'll be reading, watching TV, and sleeping for most of those days.

I am soooo nervous. I don't like pain, the thought of pain, and--oh, yes--did I mention I'm squeamish?  Brushing my teeth is going to be interesting...and the gauze in my mouth?  Oh, dear...yeah...I have an easily triggered gag reflex too...

The surgeon said that I'll be getting a drowsy med and a non-drowsy med afterwards.  Mom is saying I should just keep on the drowsy meds so I can sleep through recovery and just not worry about things.  My siblings have already begun tormenting me, so I sort of don't want to be on drowsy meds.  But, we'll see. 

We're bringing Boyfriend along so he can help me to the car and whatnot.  I'm told that I'll be awake and coherent after the surgery, but I get the feeling that we'll just stumble to the car, into the house, and into bed.  Poor Boyfriend, just going to see me completely nervous, then all delirious. 

Hope he doesn't worry about me as much as I'm worrying about the surgery.  He has to work during the week while I recover.  He can see me over the weekend, but I might be sleeping the days away.  I don't know.  Depends if Mom really does want to keep me on the drowsy meds or not.

Anyway, I'll let you guys know how it goes.  Scared as heck right now. @_@

Hope you guys are doing well,

Dusk