"You're not enough
Never enough"
That's what they tell me.

You aren't trying enough.
You aren't working hard enough.
You need to work your way up.

It's not that simple.
I can try
But if they won't let me,
There's no moving up.

I have to dig
and pick
and scrounge
to find something,
to do something that will help me
Move on.

They won't let me let go.
They won't let go.
They keep pushing
Pushing towards something that
I
Don't
Want.

They won't listen
because they think that I'm still
Not enough.

They think that what I'm doing
What I want is
Not enough.

What I want is different.
That doesn't mean that
I think
that it's not enough.

I think it is.
I want it.
But for them,
I'll never be
Enough.

I'm sorry I'm not good enough.
I'm sorry I don't fit in.
I'm sorry I don't like what you do.
I'm sorry I don't conform.

I'm sorry that I care about words.
I'm sorry that I care about grammar, punctuation, quotations

I'm sorry that I have thoughts.
I'm sorry that my thoughts are my own.
I'm sorry that you don't agree with them.

I'm sorry that you don't understand.
I'm sorry that you don't like it.
I don't either
Sometimes.

I'm sorry for the things out of my control.
I'm sorry for the things that are.

I'm sorry you don't like me the way I am.
I'm sorry you don't accept it.
I'm sorry I won't change.
I'm sorry that I'm stubborn.

But, most of all
I am sorry
For being me.

That feeling
Of never being just right.
Never good enough
No.
Never good enough for the people around you.
The people around me.

I'm not smart enough
Not fast enough
Not pretty enough
Not normal enough.

My clothes are too dark.
My hair is too flat.
I don't wear enough makeup.
I don't wear any makeup.

I'm not good at anything
I'm not good at everything.

My mind is too different.
My thoughts are too strange.
My ideas are too abnormal.

I'm not normal.
What is normal?
Nobody is normal.

I am myself.
I am what I want today
I'll be what I want tomorrow
I will do what I want
To be what I want.

I am myself.
I am
Me.

The ceiling is always high
Always, always, always high
It's just how it was made
That's how it was meant to be

The floor...
The floor is always down...
It sounds sad, but it's the truth
The floor is always down
You can't offer it coffee
You can't offer it coffee because no matter how tired you are
Or how nice you want to be,
The floor is always there for you
But, it is always down.

You can't do anything for it
The floor is always down

The ceiling is always high
The floor is always down
And the walls?
The walls are somewhere in between
Both high and down

It's their escape
They're down
So they get high to get away

The sky's the limit though
The sky is higher than any ceiling
There are low ceilings
They don't get very high
But the sky
The sky is so high
It's so high and it stays that way

It's made that way
That's how it's meant to be

See?  The sky is high.


I apologise for those who can't follow.  There is nothing to follow.  I am just very tired and rambling.  That is what I do when I am tired.  I really need to sleep.  I need to sleep tonight.  I need to sleep well tonight...

Dusk

A little something that I wrote while trying to work on an essay that was due on the day of the exam for that course.

Adele is setting fire to the rain,
I'm feverishly trying to finish my essay
The dog lies ever so calm next to my stressed body.
My mind can only take so much.

I await the alarm that tells me to catch the bus
The train station isn't far off.

In a few hours, I'll be home
Home.
Only to find myself coming back
All the way back to write
To write the papers that society deems so important
To write the papers that will tell me if I am ready to go on.

I write the papers
They need to know I'm prepared.
I write the papers
So that my future may be declared.
I write the papers
To make my family proud.

I write the papers
I write the papers
I write the papers.