Hi, all!

So, I'm nearly finished the second week of my second term and I must say, I'm going to have quite a full plate this term.  If you could just see all of the assignments I have due from now until March.  I suppose this month actually doesn't look too bad, nor does next month, but March!  Oh, boy.  March looks like the Task Fairy threw up all over it.  It's just so full of assignments and tests, I really don't know how to handle it.

I talked to a friend who just recently graduated.  She took five English classes last term because that was all she needed for a fifth degree.  I only have three, but I feel like my mind is about to explode with stress.  She says to prioritize and do what is absolutely necessary for each class.  Sounds straight forward and easy enough.  But, will I be able to handle it without going into some sort of breakdown?  We'll see.

For those of you wondering just how busy I'm going to be, well, let's just put it this way: I normally go back home every weekend and occasionally go out with my friends.  I don't think I'll have the time to go out with anyone for a while and I'm not even sure if I'll be able to go back home some weekends. @_@

Hopefully things will pull through nicely and much more easily than my mind is making it seem right now.

I'll let you know how things go.

Until next time,
Dusk

Hey, guys!

So, this is my second day of classes.  The first day, only having one class in the evening. =P  I'm not too sure how to feel about my classes this term.  I'm a bit excited because I get to see one of my favourite profs again, but I'm also bummed out because I have two classes with the prof from last term that screwed everyone over for the midterm. 

Mom was thinking that if the course were being taught by another prof that I should just switch into that class.  But, I think I'll just stick with this.  I like the way my schedule sits and there is no guarantee that there is another class time for this.  Besides, there's always going to be difficult people that we'll have to work with in our lives, so why not?  She isn't horrible, just a little...less organised?  She's definitely a bit more scattered. 

I only have two profs that I won't know this term...I think.  So this is going to be interesting. =]  Makes me a little bit uneasy, but I think it'll be all right.  My classes are so spread out and I just started the term...I'm so bored waiting for the classes to start. @_@

Oh, well...anyway, I hope you're all doing well with classes, work, and whatnot.

I'll let you all know how things go later on.

Until next time,
Dusk

Hi guys!

Just finished my fourth exam this morning.  Bright and early.  I'm so glad I have time between this one and my last one.  I miss sleep.  I don't even know if I got six hours of sleep last night. 

My mom came for a visit today.  We had lunch, when she left she told me to take a nap.  She said I looked tired.  Boy, do I feel it.  Took the rest of today as a day off from studying because, let's face it, four straight days of studying subjects for almost back-to-back exams is pretty killer.  Also, Mom told me to. =P  The last exam is the one that I'm also most worried about, so I need to at least let my brain rest a day so that I can get back into the studying. 

Dad's instructed me to go to bed as he knows I'm tired and I just can't handle things anymore.  He's distracted me with Amazon for a good number of hours.  I was thinking about what to get for Boyfriend and he suggested that I see if Amazon has what I want.  Well, not exactly, but I think I got him something that he might like just as much, or even more.  I'm so excited to get the stuff now.  I really hope I'll be able to sleep with all this excitement going on in my head...well, at least it isn't as much stress and panic as it was for the past few days.

Anyway, I'll be off.  Hope you're all doing well.

Until next time,
Dusk

Hey all,

So, just yesterday, I finished my first exam of the season.  I must say, it was much easier than I thought it would be.  You see, my prof sent out an email the night before telling us that he wanted us to know all of the authors we have studied in the second half of term and be able to identify them from their works alone.  Of course, I had a major panic.  I was angry and scared because how on earth was I supposed to identify twelve different authors from their work alone PLUS write two essays and work on short answer questions all over the span of two hours?

Turns out that he provided us with three short answer questions in which we were to choose two from, the same for the essays, and he provided three sonnets out of the billion works that we studied to identify.  THREE and he told us to know them ALL!  What?!

Yes, I was angered by that too.  But, at least I didn't just look at the exam and cry the moment I did.  I was expecting it to be so much worse and I ended up finishing twenty five minutes before our time was up.

That definitely made me feel better about finals in general.  I just hope all the others will be that easy.

Anyway, good luck to everyone dealing with finals and I'll write to you guys again either soon, or after all of my finals are done.  Either way, good luck and keep being awesome!

Until next time,
Dusk

Hey guys,

Sorry about not writing much recently.  School and all, you know.  I've also been feeling a tad empty lately.  Not a hungry empty though, more along the lines of emotionally empty.  I wouldn't quite say apathetic though.  It just sort of feels like there's a hole in me and I can't fill it.  It hurts emotionally and it makes me very sad. 

It's been around a month and a half since I last saw Boyfriend for Thanksgiving.  I'll only be able to see him for two to three days before Christmas, then he's flying off to see his family for the Christmas break.  I really hope that none of you think poorly of him for this.  It's been even longer since he's seen his family and I do feel that it's important for him to see them too.  Whenever we're together (in the same city), I feel like I monopolize a lot of his time and I think it's nice that he sees his family.  In fact, I feel like we should have lunch or dinner with his family again or something.  It was fun the last time, so why not do it again?  They're amazing people even if they weren't his immediate family.

Regardless, I'm glad he gets to see his family again.  The week or two of his seeing his family must feel almost like the few days that we get to spend together between weeks to months of separation because of school.  Especially since they are further away.  I'm sure he appreciates what time he has with them every time he gets to see them.  It must be hard being so far from them.  They sound like amazing people and I'd love to actually meet them one day. 

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well.

Until next time,
Dusk

Hey all,

So, as I suppose you all know, Hurricane Sandy came through these parts not long ago.  It wasn't nearly as bad as a lot of people had it, but it was still very cold, windy, and rainy.  Although, I'm not sure if this is a result of that or a result of everybody I know being sick, I have a cold.  It is getting better though.  It's not as bad as it could have been, and it's not like I've been bedridden or anything.

It did leave me trying to hold back a coughing fit in my three hour class last night though.  Instead of one massive coughing fit, I ended up shaking or convulsing...not really sure which word best describes it right now...in class when I wasn't going through a bout of coughing.  Fun things!

Anyway, I guess this cold could have been much worse.  I mean, I could be dying of some terminal illness.  So I am quite fortunate that this is just a small cold that hasn't rendered me immobile or something.  I have been going to all of my classes despite it. 

Oh, well.  Hope I get over it soon.

Hope you're all well!

Until next time,
Dusk

It's a great start to the day, folks.

Got up early to wind battering the windows, the trees, everything. 

Having halfheartedly gotten out of bed to wash up, I turned on the computer only to find that classes are not cancelled today despite the winds up to 25 km/h and gusts almost double that speed at 45 km/h.

Today is not my day, nor is it going to be.  I'm exhausted and I still have a midterm to think about as well as a midterm assignment. 

Took the bus to campus rather than walked, figured it'd be safer.  Still ended up pretty chilled to the bone.  Whatever, I'm on campus, in a building and safe.  That's all that matters, right?

Well, hopefully I can get some rest in somewhere today. 

Until next time,
Dusk

I've never wanted to become a teacher.  Never. 

My parents, for some reason can see me becoming one in the future, but I can't.  Mostly because of how they always put teachers down.  They do admit that there are good teachers out there that care about their students and what not.  But, you know what?  I can't talk in front of people, I can't teach well, and I don't want to be one of those people that gets lumped into a generalization so that I can be told that I'm useless.  That I do nothing, and that I complain all the time about not being paid enough.

Maybe I wouldn't be one of those teachers, but who knows?  Either way, I don't want to be one.  The big problem is, a lot of people don't always end up doing what they want to, and I don't even know what I want to do.

If I end up being a teacher, whether I'm looked down on or not, I would want to be a philosophy teacher.  I'd tell the kids that life is pointless.  That, society is pointless.  Getting a job is pointless.  But, most of all, I'd tell them that school is pointless.  It's a big, pointless, brainwashing facility where they make kids think "inside the box."  They don't allow much freedom in thought or exploration.  What is being learned at school is pointless.  I'd only encourage them to come to class to learn how to think.  That's what the kids need.  They need to know how to think critically.  It's true.

They need to be able to recognise that they don't need all this cyclic, pointless work.  People are too focused on material things.  That's the whole reason why society runs the way it does.  They tell you that you want something, that you love it, and finally, that you need it.  But, you don't.  You don't, but they won't let you see it that way.  No.  That's the whole reason for people having jobs.  So, they can have money to buy these things that they don't need.  Even if we did want something, why do we need to pay for it?  Why do we need money?  Now, I'm not a thief, I don't steal.  I do pay for things.  But, I don't see a reason for it.

We pay to get food, when, in the past, we would have been able to get the food ourselves.  We'd be hunting and eating like all the other creatures out there.  We've been sucked into this hyperreality, and there's almost no way out of it unless we can think against it.  Think outside of it.

I'm not encouraging people to be thieves or to go around vandalizing things or skip school and not to bother getting a job no matter how much it sounds like I am.  All that I want, is to have people realise that they might not need what they think they do, what society thinks they do and programmed them to think they do. 

I simply want people to be able to think for themselves instead of having something like the government telling them what to think.

Hey guys.

"Yeah, great. You're disappointed.  Of course. What is it this time?" is probably what you're all thinking.


Well, yesterday in my morning philosophy class (yes, I have philosophy first thing in the morning.  Am I crazy?  Maybe, but it does make sense to me. =P), our prof showed us 3 pictures to demonstrate virtue, honour, and fear in the eyes of Montesquieu.  These picures were Socrates for virtue, 50 cent for honour, and Peter Pettigrew for fear. 

When asked who the first picture was of, the class couldn't respond.  When someone did, it was wayy off.  I mean, I think they guessed a fictional character or something.  I couldn't quite hear what they said, but it had WAYYY too many syllables to even come close to being Socrates. 

I know, you're probably thinking, "How are they supposed to know that?"  I also know that he isn't a person you find in pop culture like 50 cent and that rat from the Potter series, but you see, the prof showed us the picture not long ago telling us who it was.  So they SHOULD HAVE known.  Clearly they didn't care enough to take note.  I mean, you're in this class, you may as well pay attention.  Might think that I'm not a person to say that being on Facebook and talking to people online, but at least I still listen enough to take all the notes I need and I know what the prof is talking about.

From what I've learned last year, people will just show up and not take notes and not pay attention.  This really irks me.  You paid for this, why come and pay for school if you're not even going to pay attention and actually learn something?

Anyway, that's my rant for today.

I have another post for you guys involving the sweetest little thing that I met the day before yesterday.

Until that's up,
Dusk

Hi everyone!!!

Second day of school today and I picked up more books for my courses.  The one for my English Lit Tradition I class is SO FREAKING HUGE!  It's so thick and heavy, like, I don't even know...I have to carry this 15 minutes to class everyday (or at least until it gets too cold or snowy to walk).  I could use this instead of going out to buy weights to lift. 

I mean, I could throw this at someone's head and they'd be knocked unconscious. 

The other books I purchased are much smaller and lighter (thank god!), but I will have to read them all...I'm going to go crazy with all of this stuff...serves me right for packing in a tonne of English courses into one term.  Oh, well.  I'll deal.  =P

I hope you're all doing well!

Dusk

Hi Everyone!

As you probably know from the title (that is, if you read it) I'm DONE with the field school!  It was officially out this past Friday, but we still had a paper that is due today.  Finished it this morning at about 1:30 and woke up around 9:00 this morning.  I am SO tired.

BUT!  That's okay, because I am DONE!  I can sleep when I need to now and wake up whenever. 

I'm amazingly happy to be done, but I am going to miss all the people from the field school a lot.  It's sort of like U101, I guess.  I miss the people I was with, but I'm sure I'll see them again sometime, somehow.

Now, I have this entire week to worry about getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday...I have books from the library ready to go.  Sadly, we're low on bandwidth at home right now.  So it looks like I'll be reading, watching TV, and sleeping for most of those days.

I am soooo nervous. I don't like pain, the thought of pain, and--oh, yes--did I mention I'm squeamish?  Brushing my teeth is going to be interesting...and the gauze in my mouth?  Oh, dear...yeah...I have an easily triggered gag reflex too...

The surgeon said that I'll be getting a drowsy med and a non-drowsy med afterwards.  Mom is saying I should just keep on the drowsy meds so I can sleep through recovery and just not worry about things.  My siblings have already begun tormenting me, so I sort of don't want to be on drowsy meds.  But, we'll see. 

We're bringing Boyfriend along so he can help me to the car and whatnot.  I'm told that I'll be awake and coherent after the surgery, but I get the feeling that we'll just stumble to the car, into the house, and into bed.  Poor Boyfriend, just going to see me completely nervous, then all delirious. 

Hope he doesn't worry about me as much as I'm worrying about the surgery.  He has to work during the week while I recover.  He can see me over the weekend, but I might be sleeping the days away.  I don't know.  Depends if Mom really does want to keep me on the drowsy meds or not.

Anyway, I'll let you guys know how it goes.  Scared as heck right now. @_@

Hope you guys are doing well,

Dusk

Hi Everyone!

Happy June!  I know it's been a while, but hey, I'm kind of out every day to dig, so what can I do about it, right?  Anyway, I hope you're all doing well. 

The dig has been interesting.  Met some interesting people, I still don't know all the names of the people I'm with...I mean, I live in a house with 23 people and I STILL don't know all of their names. @_@  I'm brilliant, aren't I? xD  I thought that I would share one of my finds with you.  It was a piece of a mortar bomb shell!  Yeah!  Awesomeness!!!  It's so cool.  =P  Mind you, I didn't dig that up, but I did find it first!  My prof decided that he would help me dig my unit (those little square plots of dirt you see archaeologists sitting in all the time) that day since everyone was either surveying or in the lab, leaving only Danielle and I at our site with our TA.

Yeah, learned that I like digging my own unit best.  I know how the underlayer of dirt goes best.  I knew it was sloping up towards the northwest end, but my prof didn't and he just went at it making it all flat.  Indeed, I was awfully sad when that happened, plus, the unit seems so much less personal to me now...I am sad...on the other hand, ceramic pieces and a mortar bomb shell fragment...sooo I guess it's sort of a trade off? 

I thought this field school was just going to be digging, but it turns out that we have to write papers as well with limited Internet access.  I mean, we have to leave the house to get reliable Internet...It really sucks, but at the same time, I am learning and doing interesting things.  I just really wish we didn't have to do that since after a full day (8:30AM-4:00PM) of digging with an hour break at noon for lunch is extremely exhausting.  The pressure is seriously on because of the short amount of time that we are here.  I'm still not sure how I'm going to get that final paper in to my prof.  It's due the Monday after the field school is over AND he wants a paper copy...the university is far from home and my parents are working...well, I'm going to have to do my best to get it to him on the Friday before, I suppose.  Printing is going to be an issue though.  We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, I think that's all I have about that for now.  I'll definitely keep you guys posted as best I can!

Hope you're having an awesome time!

Dusk

Hey guys.

I don't know if I'm excited, or sad.  I'm going to be leaving home and Boyfriend for six weeks again soon.  I love the idea of going on an archaeological dig, but at the same time, I finally get to be with Boyfriend again.  I don't want to leave him again.  Not after so long of being apart. 

*sigh* A few days before I go.  I'm really not ready now.  I need to pack again.  I need to make sure I have everything, and most of all, I need to make sure Boyfriend knows that I love him.  I don't want to leave him, but I need to just for a bit.  We'll still be in contact, but it'd be difficult since I'll be working all day long and presumably quite tired at night. 

I haven't gotten to see many friends in the time that I've been home.  I do feel bad about that and I do suppose that it would have made me feel better instead of falling into this rut.  But we'll get there.  We have all summer, right?

Well, anyway, I just really want to be able to see people.  I want to be with them and I want them to know that I love them.  Society does not allow for time anymore.  "Family time" and "social time" are barely existent when there's school and work to be "done." =\

I guess we'll work this out one way or another.

Anyway, that's all I have for now.  I'll talk to you guys again later.

Dusk

Hi guys!

I'm home for a few weeks, then I'm off again to volunteer for an archaeological dig!  I'll be about 2 hours away from home with one of my best friends!  I'll be out there for about 6 weeks.  All day out in the sun/rain playing in the dirt which, according to the people in charge, will be like my second home.  For all this work outside, I will be gaining 2 credits for school.  I get the weekends off so, I may be able to get home for brief visits.

Hopefully, I won't hurt myself or anything.  If I can, I'll see if I can do some posts during those 6 weeks out there depending on how tired and busy I am.  I hope I can tell you guys about what I'm doing while I'm out there.  I also hope that it'll be nice and warm, not scorching hot, or freezing like this weird weather we've been having lately.

Anyway, yeah, I thought I'd share that with all of you!  If I find anything cool that I can tell you about, I will! =]

Until next time,
Dusk

A little something that I wrote while trying to work on an essay that was due on the day of the exam for that course.

Adele is setting fire to the rain,
I'm feverishly trying to finish my essay
The dog lies ever so calm next to my stressed body.
My mind can only take so much.

I await the alarm that tells me to catch the bus
The train station isn't far off.

In a few hours, I'll be home
Home.
Only to find myself coming back
All the way back to write
To write the papers that society deems so important
To write the papers that will tell me if I am ready to go on.

I write the papers
They need to know I'm prepared.
I write the papers
So that my future may be declared.
I write the papers
To make my family proud.

I write the papers
I write the papers
I write the papers.

Alright, everyone. 

So, I've handed my keys back to the don.  Officially checked out, right?...Nope.  They lost my forms from the beginning of the year.  I need to set up another meeting with the don again to get that done.  But, I am half way there!

I can't wait for this to be done!  Can't wait to get passed these assignments and exams too.  So much stress. @_@

Anyway...it's pretty late here...I just thought I'd give you all a quick update before I sleep.

I can't guarantee that I will have much coming in the near future since exams and assignments are eating my face...figuratively, of course, but still.  Until all that is done, you might not hear much from me for the next few weeks.

Regardless, I hope you all have an awesome time being you!

Dusk

You know what I really hate?

I hate the fact that we've had all of these apartment meetings talking about how we're going to keep this place clean, and the only one pulling their weight around here is me.  I hate how we talked about keeping dishes and pots out of the sink and off of the stove so others can use it and I'm the only one doing that.  I hate that I live with a bunch of IDIOTS that lie their way through things.  I hate that, although I don't work as hard as I could be, they still work less.  I hate that they email professors saying that they're ill or have an exam so that they can get extensions on things while I work my butt off trying to keep with that due date.  I HATE that I do what I do quietly without bothering them and they're so damned loud all the freaking time when I'm trying to work, trying to sleep, or just doing nothing. 

I hate it.  I hate living on this floor where people destroy and steal property.  I hate that I have to live with these people. 

I hate that I have to deal with the stench in our apartment while no one else cares.  I hate that I have to clean off what is not my mess just so I can use what I need to.  I hate that I have to live in this sorry dump that we're supposed to call an apartment.  That we're supposed to call this HOME during these few months of school.

I hate that I keep my stuff out of the way while they just leave their crap everywhere.  I hate that.  I hate that they don't care.  I want to take everything that they're supposed to do and dump it all on their stupid little beds so that they can see even clearer than things already are, that our place is a filthy, digusting, vomit-inducing MESS.

I hate that we can't open the windows.  I hate that they don't know how to cook.  I hate that they don't know how to clean.  I hate that they think they're so amazing because they're NOT. 

They're not!  And I want to hit something.  I want to live away from this.  But really...just really...I just want to leave this stupid place and never come back.  I never want to see their faces again, I never want to hear their names or their voices.  I just want out. 

I don't like it here.  I never did and I never will. 

People are never what they seem to be.  Don't take them at face value.  Get to know them better before you say whether you like them or not.  See if they really are the people you want to be around or be like because half the time, they're not.

Hey, Everyone!

Thought I'd tell you about my mess of assignments...well, I guess it isn't that many, but when I even think about working them all out, it feels like a lot.  You see, just before the end of Reading Week, Nicole told me that I have a proposal to do for Reading Drama.  What I didn't realise was that it was actually just the outline for it.  So there I was panicking like a mad child about having to write six pages for Monday...little did I realise that I read the wrong part of the syllabus. 

I ONLY needed the outline, not the actual proposal which is due later on.  Crisis diverted...only sort of.  I also have the rough draft of an essay due this Friday, the actual essay to write, a research paper to start for Archaeology, AND the final proposal for Drama.....fun.

If I actually do plan things to work out, all should be fine.  But, having my brain, I would be thinking about anime at such a bad time...I just spent my break this afternoon watching the first three and a half episodes of Blue Exorcist.  Smart me...I think this is just a result of stress and the recent bout of depression passing...I guess you can't really call it depression, but it is just feeling really, really, REALLY down...it's getting better now.  I think what I really needed was just some companionship...even though I wanted to be alone. 

I noticed that when my roommate got back that I was feeling a bit better.  It started as that little bit of fake smiles and all that, but then Nicole came by.  Thank God that she did too.  That made me feel a LOT better. =]

If you're reading this, Nicole, thanks so much! =]

It's tough to do when you're really down, but seriously, being with your friends, even when you want to be just completely alone to mope helps SOOO much.

Anyway, more on that another time.  Class is starting soon.

Hasta la bye bye,

Dusk