Misunderstood

Hi guys,

It's time for another personal post.

Late tonight, my sister, my mom, and myself were all talking and we happened upon our plans for the weekend which involve a get together with some family for a cousin's birthday.  In talking about it, my mom mentioned who was going and how my aunt (the middle sister out of three, my mom being the eldest) would not be there.  I told her that it was a shame because I do genuinely like this family although a good portion of the rest of the family doesn't seem to understand them or really try, I find.  When I voiced my disappointment and told her how I actually quite enjoy the company of my younger cousin in the family--we'll call her Stevie--she said, "you do?" in complete disbelief and my sister laughed at my mother's response.  The thing is, some in this family do not immediately come across as the most personable people to many, but once you talk to them and hang out with them enough, they are incredibly pleasant to be around and Stevie is no exception.

You see, there was a point in time where my mom and her siblings thought it would be a good idea to rent a large cottage for a week so that we could all spend some time together and actually start being more of a family.  One of my cousins and I were excited, but also apprehensive since it was a full week and there was definitely a chance that we could quickly grow sick of each other.  Luckily, that didn't happen.  At least, we weren't sick of everyone present (this is the side of the family that one uncle I don't like is on).  The idea of this week-long cottage trip was to force us all to act more like a family since we don't all live that close together and only see everyone once or twice a year.  I don't know if it worked well for anyone else, but I found that it brought me and this one sister's family closer together.  I talked more with my cousins--one of which I already talk to more often than all others--as well as my aunt and uncle.  This is where I learned that, although strict and somewhat temperamental, my aunt is pretty cool and my uncle is actually really interesting.  But what I found most important and most interesting was that Stevie opened up to me.  We started talking more and after a big downpour, she called me to come outside because she and her older brother--Ashton, we'll call him--were catching frogs and she wanted me to join them.  At this point in time, it has been years since I felt this close to them again.  We used to play a lot when we were younger, but as they years went on, she started to distance herself from my siblings and myself to the point where she sort of shut everyone out, it felt like.  Having her open up again was fantastic.  I loved it.  Unfortunately, the week just wasn't enough to get her to open up anymore, so after we parted at week's end, we didn't see each other again for at least half a year resulting in her distancing herself again.  On top of this, family get-togethers are, at best, biannual making it extremely difficult for us to make the same connection we had at the cottage.  Since then, I've been hoping that she'd open up again, but it doesn't look like it will happen.  After the second cottage trip two years ago, my family decided that we won't be doing it again.

Now, if my family had made the effort and tried to connect with my aunt and Stevie the way I had, I think they would change their minds about them, but I often feel like our mindsets are just too different and that they would never try.  As pessimistic as this sounds, I think, unfortunately, that this is probably the most realistic chain of events simply because of how my family seems to work.  Don't get me wrong, I do like a lot of my family on my mom's side, but their attitude towards certain people really turn me off because they never really give them a chance.  It really feels like the popular kids judging and excluding the less popular.  But don't think that I'm trying to hold myself up above them as some sort of saint for hanging out with whom I can only describe, in this scenario, as the underdog because that's not what I'm trying to do.  I have my faults too and I'll admit that I'll do this also with different kinds of people.  It's something we all do.  As human beings, we can not help it.  I'm just drawn to this particular cousin because I think the two of us might have more in common than we think.  It's just a matter of reconnecting and finding out what these things are.  I just wish the rest of my family would give her a chance because her separating herself from everyone else is not an act of believed superiority at all.  If anything, it's more like the family is excluding her because they don't understand her which really sucks.  It feels like she really needs a friend at these gatherings and I really want to be it because she is incredibly cool, but no one else sees that because she's different from them.  In many ways, I guess I am too and that's why I like her.  I just wish it were easier to be inclusive of everyone at the same time, but everyone at these gatherings are just so different that it's impossible.  One literally must go from group to group, just like in school.  The only problem is that moving through the crowd at these gatherings is much less fluid than it was for me in school.  I can only hope that I learn to do it at the gatherings soon because I really want to be there for Stevie.

I guess we'll just have to see how this weekend goes.  I really wish they could make it.  Next time, I suppose.

That's all I have for tonight.  I just needed a good rant.

Hope you all are doing well.

I'll see you in my next post,
Dusk