Hey guys,

Sorry about the wait for this post.  It's been pretty hectic.

So, last you heard from me, I was still in Singapore.  I left Singapore for about five days to visit Thailand and didn't bring my computer with me.  For the first two days of Thailand, Boyfriend and I didn't do a whole lot.  We checked in to our hotel in Phuket and explored the nearby areas and I have to say, the staff at our hotel were wonderful and the people in the spots we explored were incredibly friendly.

It might not sound like it to some, but we really felt like we took advantage of those two days we had alone before his family came to join us on the third day.  We got some well-needed rest and travelling with fewer people makes co-ordinating and decision-making much easier.  I'm hoping that Boyfriend and I end up being able to travel together a bit more, especially since parents are telling us that we'll never be able to travel so much again once we start working.  Honestly, I hope that's not true for us.  I have had so much fun seeing different parts of the world with him and just walking around and discovering different foods and cultures.  It feels so freeing.

After Thailand, we went back to Singapore for a few more days before we flew home.  We've been home for about a month now and things haven't slowed down much, in all honesty.  We rested for a week before going to my grandparents' place to help them paint around the house and trim their hedges and, boy, did that tire us out.  At this point in time, I think we're both just looking for some quiet time to rest and relax, but we still need to look for work and Boyfriend wants to move out of where he is currently staying.  Hopefully, he finds a place soon for the sake of his sanity.

That's about all for now in terms of what's been going on. 

Until next time,
Dusk

The future is scary and that's okay.

Boyfriend and I have been talking a bit recently about what our plans for the future are in terms of careers as, firstly, while we are living with his mom in Singapore, it's brought up quite often anyway, and secondly, it is something we'd have to think about soon since we just received our undergraduate degrees.

Right now, it seems like we're going to take roughly a year out of school and decide whether or not we want to go back or if we can make it without.  Personally, I think he'll go back.  He tells me he was never much of a school guy, but he likes to learn and I can definitely see him excelling in whichever path he chooses.  He's a pretty versatile guy when it comes to the options he's given himself.

For me, I'm not sure if I want to return to school to get a Master's degree or even a PhD, but the more we talk about it, the more it seems a bit enticing.  I've never been one to feel like writing a dissertation or anything formal would be something I'd want to do, but some times when I look at what I've studied, or when I read something, it's the only way I can work with it.  I still prefer to write fiction, but it's been so long since I've properly sat down to write any fiction outside of a dialogue that I don't know if I could do it.  I would need to sit down and read more fiction first to pick my style back up again, I think.

I like the idea of living off my writing whether it be on my blog, on Youtube (writing scripts for myself to discuss different topics), publishing various forms of fiction, or even using my writing as a form of discussion like many critical thinkers.  For most of these things, I wouldn't need any formal graduate degree to do them, but for the last one especially, it would be helpful because it would give my arguments that much more heft.  I would be able to not only say what I have to say and potentially have people retort, but also be recognised as a person who knows what she's talking about in a formal situation should it come to that.  Perhaps my writing would be able to be used in classrooms and university or college lectures that way.  Who knows?

In the mean time, I'm trying to figure out what I could get into for at least this coming year.  Perhaps work in a book shop or something to pass the time and make a little money to support myself and hopefully move out.  Whatever happens, I'm glad that it looks like  Boyfriend and I will be going through it together and supporting each other.  It's something that we'd both like and I definitely feel like I need.  I like being able to discuss my current foggy future with someone who understands where I am in my head and in my life.  He knows that I'm unsure of which direction I want to go, but he also knows that I want to be able to be self reliant and he's supporting me every step of the way.  If it weren't for him I don't know where I'd be right now.  I wouldn't have even considered a Master's or any other form of graduate degree.  I know my mom wants me to get one, but that doesn't feel so much as if it's for me as it does for her peace of mind because it appears to be the minimum requirement for anything now-a-days.

I'm just glad that I have someone with whom I can venture through life now.  A romantic relationship is certainly not something everyone needs at this point in time, or for some, ever, but for me, this works.  I have the kind of support I need and, in turn, I am able to support him and we are able to bounce ideas about our future with one another without outside influence because we listen to each other and what the other wants and needs.  For all of you out there going through this time in life, you do it your way.  My way is by no means any model towards which you need to strive.  What works for me might not necessarily work for you and vice versa.  But no matter what happens, I hope things turn out well for you.

Best of luck to everyone.

Dusk

I've never been good at small talk.  It just isn't something I do.

If you try to talk to me, it'll seem like I don't really want to talk.  What I don't want is to go into idle prattle because I don't know how to handle or navigate it.  It's devoid of meaning and I mentally can not grasp how it works or how to continue the conversation from what seems to me to be dead end questions.  I never intend to sound uncaring or unapproachable, I literally just don't know how to turn the little statements or questions into more than just that.  If I'm asked a question with a simple answer, that's normally what I give it.

I do feel bad and I don't always know what to say, but it happens.  I have no intentions of being rude if I've just met you and this is the direction in which our conversation seems to be headed it's just me being uncomfortable.  If you want to start an actual discussion, it's easiest for me if you just jump into it.  Ask me if I've read a book and if I haven't tell me about it.  Tell me what you liked, what you didn't.  I might come up with something similar as well as a suggestion for you to look at in the future and likewise.  Maybe a film or something else that interests you.  For me to take part, I need more to work with than "How are you"s and "what's new?"

I do realise that this may be difficult for the person with whom I am trying to converse as well as it is for myself, but I honestly don't know how to make small talk work.  It's one of society's weird mannerisms that I will never understand and perhaps never be able to get to work in my favour.  Even when I was taking the final test for my driver's licence, I never asked such small questions to try to keep myself calm.  I asked the examiner why he does what he does and why he chose or ended up with it.  It was something that I could dig more into, something that I could get more information from to create more discussion.  In turn, he would be able to ask me what I want to do, am doing, what my motivations are and I could ask him similar inquiries.  Topics like these, I can work with.  If you simply ask me what I'm doing in school and if I want to be a teacher, my answers will be short and sweet.  I get the same questions all the time and I hate them.  I never know what to do or say.  It's awful.

This, I think, is why I'm not the best suited for things like customer service or human resources work.  It's not something I can care enough about to make it sound good.  ESPECIALLY with customer service situations where I will need to run off to retrieve something for a customer because I will repeat the same, "Hi, how are you?  Did you find everything okay?" routine to people I've already droned it out to without realising until after the fact.

I don't know where this puts me in terms of which jobs I'd be good for, but I can tell you that I've done pretty well so far in conversing with my professors and peers about different academic, homework-related, and peer-related topics.  Whether it means I should strive for something like academia or writing in general, I don't know, but I think I might do okay in them given different topics to work with.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is small talk confuses me.  It confounds me.  I don't know what to do and I flounder when people try to approach me with it.  I don't know if I'll ever know what to do with it and I'm sorry to anyone who tries to use it with me.

Hey guys,

Sorry I haven't updated on the trip much lately, but what can I say?  What I do might not sound as interesting as it was for me to experience.  I'm a bit of a little details sort of person.  I appreciate a lot of little moments that don't relay as well as they felt at the time.

Anyway, yesterday, Boyfriend and I went and did something a bit more touristy than usual.  After seeing where he went to school a couple days before, we decided to go to Sentosa.  Yup.  The place that you, apparently, "must" go to while you're in Singapore otherwise you haven't gone to Singapore.  Personally, I've never understood when people say things like that because, clearly, I am in Singapore, so to tell me otherwise would be ridiculous as I know where I am and what I'm doing and you can't tell me what it is that I'm experiencing.

That aside, we had a nice time walking along the harbour and Siloso beach front in the evening.  It's crazy, you can actually see the sun setting here.  It moves much faster here than it does at home.  At first, I thought I was imagining it, but when Boyfriend said that it could be seen, I was amazed.  The sunlight is interesting here.  You would think that being near the equator, you would have more hours of sunlight, but instead, it's similar to the amount of sunlight I get at home in the autumn just before winter.  The sun rises at 7:00AM and sets at 7:00PM everyday without fail.  I have no idea why it works that way, but it does.

We had a real nice time there.  I've never been to a salt water beach before and I do love to be in the water.  Though, I wasn't particularly prepared for that, so I just waded around the shallows.  I'll be honest, I was expecting the water to be cooler than it was and was certainly surprised when it was so much warmer than I was preparing myself for.

Boyfriend spent the last few minutes of the fading sunlight to draw the shoreline.  Me, on the other hand, I just love to see him draw.  Something about how focused and intense he looks is alluring to me.  I just really like to see artists at work, what can I say?  It's like watching magic happen.  Unfortunately, because of the quickly falling sun, Boyfriend had some troubles figuring out the pressure he should put on his new brushpen for different strokes.  I still think his drawing looks fine.  Especially considering the fact that he didn't have a brushpen prior to this.

When we finally got back home, we curled up and watched a film I had watched in school called "Waking Life".  Considering the time of day I had originally watched, it was pretty overwhelming in terms of information and questions, not to mention the art styles involved.  It definitely makes more sense the second time around, but it is still a lot of information to take in.  Boyfriend says it might be better if they just tackled one question raised and stick to it as the main premise.  Considering what the film is about, he's right.  It gives the feeling that the director is trying to cover more information than he is able in the time given.  I still can't say it's a bad film, though.  It raises interesting thoughts and questions that I feel are important for people to think about and don't often do if they do at all.

I'm not super sure what's in store for today or the rest of the week, but that's the fun of not planning.  You just figure it out as you go.  Besides, a few days of rest here and there are always good to keep.  Don't want to burn yourself out on vacation, right?

Until next time,
Dusk

Two posts in one day?  What???

Yep.

I'm just making this post to say that if you like to look at creative pieces and reading comics, then you might want to check out Boyfriend's webcomic called "Heartland" on which he works with great focus.  Updates are a little slow because life has been quite demanding, but in it, you not only get an interesting story building, but you also get to see the development of his drawing skills.  Here is the link to that: https://heartlandcomics.wordpress.com/

He also just set up a Facebook page which showcases some of his non-comic related work.  Some are just doodles or practice work, but they are quite nice as well.  If you like his work and are interested in getting some commission work from him, he is very much willing to do so.  Here is the link to that: https://www.facebook.com/KPDraws/

Thanks for your time and for sticking around.  There will be more stories, thoughts, and updates to come, so stay tuned!

Dusk

So, you're moving out of your parents' place for the first time.  Maybe it's for school or you finally decided to try to go out and make it on your own.  Either way, like many things in life, there are pros and cons to an experience like this too.

Let's start with the pros:

1. You might/will learn to cook for yourself resulting in learning more about your tastes and preferences.  You will also learn how much time and preparation it takes to cook.  You will either learn to love and appreciate this or not, but it will definitely make you appreciate the effort it took for your parents and anyone else who cooks for you ever again.  It, at least for me, may also help in teaching you patience for when you go out to eat.  You begin to take into account the different preparations that need to be done for each dish and how many orders have been placed ahead of your own, and so, complain less.
2. You will learn to do laundry.  In some cases, you may ruin a few pieces of clothing along the way.  In others, you will learn what to do with certain kinds of fabrics.  You may or may not learn to love this also.  Personally, I have.  I saw it as a point in the day where I could do something just for me; I didn't have to think about anyone or anything else.  It helped to clear my mind of stressful thoughts about school and work most of the time.  Other times, it might cause a touch of tension just because it has to be done while you're focused on other work, but most of the time, it can be quite enjoyable and calming.
3. You will learn to clean.  This has its own reward whether it seems like it or not.  If you are living with roommates and you don't think you're the neatest person in the world, you might realise that you prefer things much cleaner, still, than others.  As a direct result of that, you will learn what you like to keep particularly clean, how clean, and how often you need to clean that thing or space.  It's a lot of work, but you will feel so good once you have your own space that you can keep clean to your specific preferences because seeing a place that's much cleaner than what you might have lived in previously and having it stay that way brings so much peace to your mind.
4. You will learn to shop more economically.  You will look for cheaper items that still satisfy your needs.  Finding quality in cheaper products doesn't have to be difficult, it just takes a little experimentation.
5. In connection with your shopping more economically, you may also find ways to live more environmentally friendly, if you're the type of person who worries about this, while also wishing to remain frugal.  One of the best things I have happened to stumble upon online was cheap ways to be environmentally friendly, to be honest.  I didn't know that living frugally and being more environmentally conscious could be two living styles that coincide.
6. You start to realise that you may have way more stuff than you need to live be they knick knacks, towels, electronics, what have you.  You start to notice the things that you brought with you and what you use versus what you don't.
7. You begin to appreciate everything your parents do for you even more, if you haven't begun to done so already, because you learn how much money and work goes into supporting yourself and think about how many people your parents are/were supporting on top of themselves.

Some cons to living on your own for the first time are:

1. You realise that you are forced to learn to do a bunch of things on your own and quite quickly, such as how to pay your bills, how to cook, clean, shop, do laundry.  But, it's not the end of the world.  Some of these come easier than others and you might learn to enjoy some of these things.
2. If you are living completely on your own, you have no one with whom you can share the chores.  Not always a loss depending on your cleaning style and preferences, but it does mean all of the work is yours to do alone.
3. You realise how much work and money actually goes into living on your own.
4. You may have to work more to meet your cost of living depending on where you are and your particular living style.
5. You develop your own living style and rhythm to the point where it might/will become difficult to live with someone else whether that means moving back in with your parents or living with a roommate or friend.  This can lead to relationship problems with your family, friends, or roommates because if you are not particularly confrontational or generally less vocal, you may begin to develop resentments towards people you have to live with, however temporary it may be, simply because you don't feel like you could come forward and talk about your issues with whomever it is you are sharing space.
• As a side note, this can always be worked on so that you can live with people comfortably.  It just takes a while to get used to.  Trust me.  This is something I've been worrying about lately in terms of living with Boyfriend in the future, but having seen me go through what I did with my past roommates and the two of us generally being more open with each other than with other people, we can see this working out.  He's a lot calmer about it than I am and have been, but his faith and support in everything has been incredibly helpful in making me feel better about our potential living situation.

As many cons as there are, and as much detail as I might have gone into them, living on your own truly is a great learning experience that you may or may not want to leave should you get into it for long enough.  It gives you a huge sense of independence that you don't have while living with your parents and the feeling of self-reliance can be a wonderfully rewarding one.  It is definitely worth trying or getting into when you have the means and opportunity to do so.

Hi guys!

So, as you might know, I'm in Singapore helping my boyfriend's mom move house.  Things are finally settling down, but there are still a few things left to get done.  In the down time, I've been surfing the web and reading if I'm not out exploring with Boyfriend, so I just thought I would fill you guys in on some of the books I want to have read by the end of the summer.

First, we have Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.  This is a book I have heard about, but have never read at all.  I am not very far into it at the moment, but I have to say, it is pretty interesting to be seeing so much into this character's mind.  Maybe more than most.  What I want to understand about it is why so many people seem to hate on it.  Every time I hear about it from someone either on BookTube (a sweet little corner of YouTube just for book discussions and book-related themes) or in real life, I am told that it is incredibly boring.  Why that is, I don't know.  Perhaps people are going into the book with the wrong mindset or the writing style just isn't for them.  Either way, I want to read it to see what I think of it..

Next, we have Neil Postman's Amusing Ourselves to Death.  From what I gather, this book is about how we are living passively through technology instead of thinking for ourselves.  We are provided with all this information at our fingertips and willingly choose to remain ignorant to what's going on around us to the point where Postman actually compares our world now (and when he was writing) to Brave New World, which I also have yet to read.

The third book I would like to get to is Fahrenheit 451.  This is a book I have struggled with in the past.  I got about half way through it, but just couldn't continue.  I have no clue why, but I just couldn't finish it.  I loved what I had read from it, so why I wasn't able to finish, who knows?  I have a slight feeling that it might be because Ray Bradbury's writing style is denser than my usual off-school reading material and by choosing to read it right after the end of a school term, I managed to burn myself out.  So, this summer, I'd like to actually restart and finish this book.

The last book I'd like to finish--as I've already started it at the beginning of summer--is Agatha Christie's Peril at End House.  The reason why it's so far down on my list is because, although I had already started it, I didn't take it with me to Singapore.  I found it, along with many other, books at a recycling depot and it is so old and worn that I was worried it might not be able to handle the trip.   A little tid bit of fascinating information I discovered one day while looking at the publication details of this book is that it was printed around the second World War.  I never thought that I would find a book that has seen so much before my time for free.  It's great!

I'll probably, hopefully, get through more books than just these four, but these are the four that I am most interested in finishing for the moment as I have been working on them all for a little while now and they are all quite engaging in their own rights.  And of course, you can expect a review of them, and any others, as they are being finished.

I hope you're all doing well and reading great things be they intellectual, classics, or trashy (because we all need a little down time once in a while) and having a good summer.

Until next time,
Dusk