My Future

The future is scary and that's okay.

Boyfriend and I have been talking a bit recently about what our plans for the future are in terms of careers as, firstly, while we are living with his mom in Singapore, it's brought up quite often anyway, and secondly, it is something we'd have to think about soon since we just received our undergraduate degrees.

Right now, it seems like we're going to take roughly a year out of school and decide whether or not we want to go back or if we can make it without.  Personally, I think he'll go back.  He tells me he was never much of a school guy, but he likes to learn and I can definitely see him excelling in whichever path he chooses.  He's a pretty versatile guy when it comes to the options he's given himself.

For me, I'm not sure if I want to return to school to get a Master's degree or even a PhD, but the more we talk about it, the more it seems a bit enticing.  I've never been one to feel like writing a dissertation or anything formal would be something I'd want to do, but some times when I look at what I've studied, or when I read something, it's the only way I can work with it.  I still prefer to write fiction, but it's been so long since I've properly sat down to write any fiction outside of a dialogue that I don't know if I could do it.  I would need to sit down and read more fiction first to pick my style back up again, I think.

I like the idea of living off my writing whether it be on my blog, on Youtube (writing scripts for myself to discuss different topics), publishing various forms of fiction, or even using my writing as a form of discussion like many critical thinkers.  For most of these things, I wouldn't need any formal graduate degree to do them, but for the last one especially, it would be helpful because it would give my arguments that much more heft.  I would be able to not only say what I have to say and potentially have people retort, but also be recognised as a person who knows what she's talking about in a formal situation should it come to that.  Perhaps my writing would be able to be used in classrooms and university or college lectures that way.  Who knows?

In the mean time, I'm trying to figure out what I could get into for at least this coming year.  Perhaps work in a book shop or something to pass the time and make a little money to support myself and hopefully move out.  Whatever happens, I'm glad that it looks like  Boyfriend and I will be going through it together and supporting each other.  It's something that we'd both like and I definitely feel like I need.  I like being able to discuss my current foggy future with someone who understands where I am in my head and in my life.  He knows that I'm unsure of which direction I want to go, but he also knows that I want to be able to be self reliant and he's supporting me every step of the way.  If it weren't for him I don't know where I'd be right now.  I wouldn't have even considered a Master's or any other form of graduate degree.  I know my mom wants me to get one, but that doesn't feel so much as if it's for me as it does for her peace of mind because it appears to be the minimum requirement for anything now-a-days.

I'm just glad that I have someone with whom I can venture through life now.  A romantic relationship is certainly not something everyone needs at this point in time, or for some, ever, but for me, this works.  I have the kind of support I need and, in turn, I am able to support him and we are able to bounce ideas about our future with one another without outside influence because we listen to each other and what the other wants and needs.  For all of you out there going through this time in life, you do it your way.  My way is by no means any model towards which you need to strive.  What works for me might not necessarily work for you and vice versa.  But no matter what happens, I hope things turn out well for you.

Best of luck to everyone.

Dusk