Hi everyone,

So, in the time between finishing school and going to Singapore, I've been pretty busy with getting the house ready to be put on market and moving back in with my parents.  All of this is giving me a really weird feeling.  I'm excited and nervous to be going on this trip, but I'm also quite sad about leaving and selling the house.  I've lived in it for the past four years and, honestly, despite the spiders, I really love it.  It's a small little wartime house that's actually the perfect size for one to three people.  I can clean the entire house within two hours and it's walking distance from everything I need.  It is small and calm and has some interesting colours.  Whoever had the house before me really liked their earth tones and, for that house, it's great.  If anything, it added to the calmness, that is, if you're one of those who's okay with lime green.  I don't mind it, myself.

Even the neighbourhood is calm and the kids actually go outside and play together.  It's nice seeing them knock on each other's doors to come out to play.  It's not really something you see anymore because many tend to play online together and talk through Skype more now, I find.

Everything about where I was situated for school between my second and fifth years is great.  If you had asked me in my earlier years of university, I never would have admitted it, but secretly, I did enjoy having a place to call my own away from home.  To be on my own has been a great experience and I really wish it's one I could keep at right now, but I just don't have the resources to do that at the moment.  If I really could, though, I think I'd actually keep that little wartime house.  It's done me well.  My dad told me that if I were to stay in the little city, we would look for a better house, but I don't think I'd stand for that.  Not after everything this sweet little house and I have gone through.  Sure, it has its faults, but who and what doesn't?  Besides, it's very...Brantford.  It has a...stitched together sort of feeling.  When you walk through the house, you can see which parts were added on later or modified, maybe even repainted.  Not like the cookie cutter houses you get now that are all perfect and two dimensional.  No.  This house has character.  It has spice.  It has life.  It's seen things that I haven't, that my parents haven't, and who knows?  Maybe it's even seen things that my grandparents haven't.  I guess it's true what they say: If these walls could talk, they would have so much to say.  To hear the stories and experiences from that house and all it's been through would be amazing.

I'm really going to miss it.  The house.  The city.  The people.  Now, I just hope that whoever lives in the house next will love it the same way I did.

À bientôt, Brantford. Je t'aime.
Dusk

Hi everyone,

This will sound a touch more formal than many of my other posts because of the subject matter, but no worries, I will most likely be taking on this voice only when I am doing book reviews as it is what I am used to for these sort of topics.  Beyond that, you can definitely be expecting my more casual, often sarcastic, voice in my other posts.

So recently, I have finished this novel which is about a mother, named Elise, who just lost her son in a car accident and documents her life in the months that follow in a stream of consciousness writing style.  I thought that Edeet's choice in writing style is fantastic because it really lets the reader get into Elise's mind.  Strange and fragmented as it may be, the reader is still able to easily follow her train of thought which allows for a simple integration of her past before her son's death and before her marriage to Neil, her son's father.  This, of course, turns out to be vital information later on as is revealed in her therapy sessions and in the events that lead her to her road of recovery.

Although the reader does not spend a lifetime growing up with Elise and her son, Edeet does write him and Elise's perceptions of him well which gives the reader the sense of how heavy and poignant Elise's depression is set in.  It is easy for the reader to understand Elise's depression and her thought processes from first losing her son to the end of the book as the reader gains a fascinating insight as to how she works and the reader is able to track her slow journey towards recovery.  Edeet is sure to intersperse significant fond and painful memories of Elise's son within her narrative so as to not depict their relationship as unrealistically perfect allowing the reader to identify with her more whether the reader has been a parent or not.

Of course, at this point, you are probably wondering how these details tie in with the book's title. At the beginning of the novel, Elise and her son adopted a cat whom they later named Persephone, Pursie for short.  This is an adorable moment in the brief time the reader spends with the son while he is alive that I find incredibly touching since it is so telling of his genuine caring personality and love for animals.  It is because of her son's love of Pursie that Elise forces herself to stay alive to care for her instead of killing herself to join her son as she wants to do throughout the novel.  As a result of staying alive and having to function to keep Pursie fed and healthy, Elise is able to make her eventual journey towards recovery.

Now, although I've given plenty of praise to the book, you need to keep in mind that I am not a mother, and so, have not lost a child.  This means that as much as I can try to empathise with Elise, at this point in time, I can not do so fully.  As sad as I can be for her, I can never compare my feelings to hers, even if I had lost a child, because everyone handles grief and depression differently.  So, this novel did not have a huge impact on me emotionally.  It did remind me to be appreciative of who I have in my life because life is short and can end extremely unexpectedly, some times for no reason whatsoever.  This is nothing new to me as I am the type of person who does try to live in the moment as I do occasionally contemplate the mortality of myself and loved ones, morbid though this may sound.  Overall, this book did not have a huge impact on me and my perspectives, but I did find it to be a good, engaging read that kept me interested in what Elise would do next and generally pleased as I saw her progress on her way to begin her recovery.

Hi guys,

So, I've been in the house that I stay at for school for about a week now with Boyfriend and Dad to fix it up a bit before we sell it and can I just say that this has been an incredibly tough thing to deal with?  Sure, I'm done school, I'm what you call a "grown-up" now, but I'm not sure I want to be.  I love learning and as you might have seen in a previous post, I've learned to love this city.  Well, in addition to loving the city, I've also learned to love this house.  It has its fair share of spiders, which, let's just say involves using the vacuum cleaner loads, but aside from that it's been good.  It's held up for more years than I know (it's a great little wartime house with a few add-ons over the years) and surely for many years to come.  I just wish we didn't have to sell it.  Part of me wants to stay here and keep the house, but another part of me knows that to stay here means giving up on a few things that I really enjoy back at home like the company of my friends and food.  I know that I can make more friends and find a job here, but it's just not entirely the life for me.  I love the small town feel over the hustle and bustle of big city life, but it doesn't have the variety that I need.  Here, I have a good number of fast food options, but all are basically the same.  The same goes for the grocery stores, there are a good few with some variety in foods, but they're mostly catering towards the Caucasian demographic because that's mostly what we have here.  At home, there are more food choices in the grocery stores and the restaurants, which comes with it the different price ranges.  Here, I have discovered select places to go for decent food prices in terms of groceries, but only for a few things.  At home, because there are Chinese supermarkets as well as the more Caucasian geared grocery stores, I can get many of the same things for a much lower price.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've really learned to love this city and this house and I'm really sad to leave, but in the long run, it doesn't quite have everything I'm looking for.  I know I'm in a good spot and I truly am lucky to even be able to afford living away from home and gaining this sort of experience, but everything has to end and continue on eventually.  I want to visit again when I can to meet with my professors and catch up, but it just won't feel the same checking into a little motel instead of coming to this house.  We've been through a lot together and in its own way, it has been quite the friend to me.  I'm going to miss it here.  Knowing that although I will be able to drive by the house to see how it's holding up, but I can't come in is somewhat heart-wrenching.  And to even consider how much the next owners might change it, even just a little, makes me afraid to even drive by because like my profs, I want to remember it for how it is.  For what I believe its essence to be.  So, also like my profs, I have not taken a picture of it.  Not of the exterior anyway.  I took a few pictures of the interior prior to the renovations.  I might still consider taking some pictures of the exterior, but we'll see.  A picture just won't be able to capture this house for what it really is and that's what I want to remember.  My profs, on the other hand, I have taken no images of interior or exterior (haha, I'm so funny--not really).  I had considered briefly, but either in class or not, it didn't feel right.  It would either feel too posed or like it still wouldn't capture the people for who they are.  I would never be able to capture their liveliness, their charm, or the way they captivate the students with their excitement over the topics being discussed.

A lot of things and people have changed my perceptions of this city and this house tremendously in the years I've been here.  I feel like living here and meeting the people I have have really helped me to grow up and learn about who I am and how I've changed over the years.  I know that moving forward is my only option, but to continue living here in this somewhat relaxed environment would be nice.  The only problem is that I know that there is so much more exploring for me to do out there and within myself.

I know that this, and a few of my previous posts, have been a little blue because of my current state of mind, but what can I say?  That's just how things are right now.  I have entered my so-called "blue period" in which I will be discovering, even more so, who I am, where I should go, and what I want to be.  Things will go back to normal with the odd rant or sarcastic post here and there soon as well as some book reviews, so hang in there and thanks for reading.

Dusk